Empathy

Published on April 6, 2025, filed under Everything Else (RSS feed for all categories).

A friend of mine was speaking about psychopaths the other day. His now-former boss. What made that boss—not a woman, no one non-binary—a psychopath? The complete lack of empathy.

What characterizes Elon Musk, one of the “richest” people of today (“rich” in quotes for a reason)? His lack of empathy. Insult people, fire people, trample over people, with no regard for the person and their life situation (everyone being, by definition, economically worse off than Mr. Musk).

The same with Donald Trump, a democratically elected convicted criminal (people voting maliciously is not how we honor our democracies). “You’re fired,” “you’re defunded,” “you’re deported,”—“there is no law unless it suits me.”

The same with the far right, hither and thither, that boasts and gloats of their utter lack of—empathy. Deny those people help. Cut that other people’s benefits. Ignore that people’s rights. Demonize the other. Sanctify oneself.

Then take Russia, well associated with a lack of empathy, who could have done more for Ukrainians and Russians for a fraction of what it is costing them to attack and murder the Ukrainian population and poison and steal Ukrainian soil, while subduing and sacrificing their own people in the process.

Take Israel, whose agenda seems to be to kill as many Palestinians as possible (and make the survivors’ lives miserable), until there’s no two-state solution because there are no people left to fill the other state. What Israel is doing has gone beyond what looked like “100 Palestinian lives for 1 Israeli life” (a genocide, as established by people who take no side). While everyone is asked to show empathy for Israelis (Israeli soldiers and settlers included), no one is supposed to show empathy for Palestinians (Palestinian women and children included)—if they do, we are supposed to persecute and punish them (which is far more than unempathetic). ^*

We could go on, continue with those everyday instances of when someone disadvantages one of us, disturbs or molests one of us, cheats one of us, violates one of us, kills one of us, and we would not finish by tomorrow.

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What is this lack of empathy?

I believe it’s exaggerated, escalated fear.

The boss being afraid of not being respected, of losing control, of being left behind. Elon Musk and Donald Trump being afraid of being perceived as anything but special (without realizing that everyone is both special and normal). The far right, only ever taking from others, being afraid of being taken from—jobs, money, “status” (while not realizing it’s all about giving, and that they are the poorest of all who will never be satisfied). Russia being afraid of being themselves. Israel being so terrified that they would annihilate anyone, only to realize that the ones to fear the most were they themselves.

This fear has become so brutal and at the same time so pathetic, that those who shed all their empathy, and those who support the unempathetic, don’t realize anymore their brutality and pitifulness.

The immature “me, me, me” from yesteryear that tainted the seeds for empathy has become an irresponsible, reckless “me, me, me at all cost” of today that is entirely fine with ruining or destroying others.

And yet this is still brutal and pathetic and completely backwards.

No matter how much empathy some are willing to shed and drop, lack of empathy will never turn into love and courage.

Lack of empathy is fear that will not in the slightest help those who feel it protects them.

In the end, one of the major lessons we have to learn is that we, individually, are only doing well if we, collectively, are all well. (All, without exceptions.)

As long as there are people who don’t understand this, we will all have a problem.

The suffering caused by people who lack empathy is suffering put on all of us. We should care if anyone is being denied food, shelter, help, rights, a decent life; if anyone is being detained, deported, tortured, bombed, murdered. Their suffering is our suffering.

So what can we do?

We don’t need to do something as much as we need to be something:

We need to decide to be empathetic and to be courageous.

There’s nothing the unempathetic nazi fears as much as empathy and courage—because they know they’re making enemies with their hatred, and because they well know that their brutality is all but facade, a facade based on fear.

Stay—or decide to be—empathetic, stay—or decide to be—courageous. You can always decide to be someone who cares, who has: empathy and the courage to show it.

The real conclusion, however, should be this: No one who lacks empathy—empathy for everyone—is fit for responsibility. They need to be removed from it until they proved their feeling for others. Otherwise, this sh_t show of us not advancing goes on.

^* If this leads to a question of “sides,” then that’s the entirely wrong question. We need to stop thinking about sides, and I ask you to join me in criticizing and condemning any group resorting to any violence. This includes Hamas; and this includes anyone terrorizing or annexing Israel, or terrorizing or annexing Germany, or terrorizing or annexing your home country. We need to and we can see all of us as one huge group of people, and we need to and we can start looking at what works (like being good to each other, and protecting our environment) and what does not (like trying to dominate one another, and destroying our environment).

About Me

I’m Jens (long: Jens Oliver Meiert), and I’m a web developer, manager, and author. I’ve worked as a technical lead and engineering manager for small and large enterprises, I’m an occasional contributor to web standards (like HTML, CSS, WCAG), and I write and review books for O’Reilly and Frontend Dogma.

I love trying things, not only in web development and engineering management, but also in other areas like philosophy. Here on meiert.com I share some of my experiences and views. (I value you being critical, interpreting charitably, and giving feedback.)